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TO: I know this is a pipe dream, but be gentle: Is there any chance that he could say, “Man, I would love to be closer to some great Oregon pinot noirs.” Is there any hope for my beloved Portland Trail Blazers?

BH: A lot of it I think comes down to finances, whether they’re under cap space and could afford a player of LeBron’s caliber and salary. I’ll be the first to admit, I am not our salary cap guru. I couldn’t, off the top of my head, describe their current salary cap situation.

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But I will say that LeBron has been on record that he very much enjoys Oregon pinot noirs. I’m not sure how feasible it is basketball-wise, but I’m sure that if he had more access to good wines of that kind, I don’t think it would be a hindrance.

TO: Thank you so much for engaging in this extremely silly conversation with me.

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BH: Sure. I enjoyed the interview with Esther. The notion of him being closer to Napa is kind of fun to think about, that’s an area he’s very, very fond of. And it’s an area that’s incredibly fond of him. But he’ll spend as much time as he wants in Napa, or anywhere else, regardless of where he is.