Y’all wanna watch people eat 72-ounce steaks over a livestream?

front of the big texan restaurant with giant cute cow statue
That cow is pretty cute though
Photo: Education Images / Contributor (Getty Images)

I don’t know about you, but watching eating contests is very entertaining for me. I think it’s because there’s a lot of empathy involved. You don’t have to be an athlete to understand exactly what a competitive eater is doing, or how they’re probably feeling towards the end of an eight-pound lasagna-eating contest. Especially in the last few moments. I can practically feel myself doubling over clutching my stomach by that point. Bonus points if it’s an amateur eating contest because the winner is almost always someone you don’t expect, like a 96-year-old grandmother who’s really into knitting or something.

This is why the following news delights me more than it should: According to Amarillo’s KMXJ radio, a local restaurant called The Big Texan is now offering a live stream its 72 oz. steak-eating challenge. There’s a whole YouTube channel dedicated to it, called Big Texan Live. Right now there are 16 videos, if you want to have some clanking of knives and forks on in the background while you’re working or something.

The challenge sounds hard as shit, because it’s not just the four and a half pounds of steak we’re talking about. You’ve also got to finish the goddamn shrimp cocktail, salad, roll with butter, and a fucking baked potato. Hnnggghhhh.

There are a lot of rules, too! You have only one hour, you can’t get up, nobody can help you slice the steak, you pay $72 up front (which seems like a fair price to me for that much food), and if you lose, you don’t get it back. And, obviously, if you toss your cookies (steak) you are disqualified on the spot. But hey, if you win, you get the meal for free, and possibly gout.

Staff writer at The Takeout. Also: Saveur Humor Blog Award Winner, professional pizza maker, and insufferable troublemaker.

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