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Vita Coco social media calls Twitter guy’s bluff, offers jar of piss

Illustration for article titled Vita Coco social media calls Twitter guy’s bluff, offers jar of piss
Photo: Andrew Toth, Jetta Productions Inc (Getty Images)

It started like so many online arguments do: A guy showed up in the Twitter feed of a brand account, yelling about the product as though whoever’s running the brand account has any power over it. The brand “clapped back”, the likes rolled in, and somewhere in an office with an open-floor plan, a bunch of account executives high-fived themselves on the growth in overall engagement.

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But what transpired between coconut water brand Vita Coco and a user yesterday may be proof that there is no longer any boundary too weird to cross for the sake of social media engagement. When blue check-marker Tony Posnanski proudly trumpeted his anti-coconut water take, Vita Coco saw fit to call him out:

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That’s when Posnanski decided to call Vita Coco’s bluff, and things took a turn for the... well, whatever this is:

Now, like us, you probably looked at this and went “oh, that’s funny, way to dunk on this guy. What’s in the jar, I wonder?” And dear reader, we really wish that this was the point in this article where we linked out to a statement from Vita Coco revealing the whole thing’s nature as a pre-planned stunt, and that the jar was full of peach tea all along.

Instead, The Takeout is here to tell you with a heavy heart that it was indeed a brand stunt, and it was allegedly an enormous jar half-full of urine. (Probably half-empty, all things considered.) According to Mashable, who reached out to Vita Coco in the wake of the viral piss tweet, Posnanski originally came after coconut water back in March, and it was that initial tweet which Vita Coco chose to engage as part of a new “Impossible To Hate” campaign, promoting awareness of their coconut water’s quality. As far as whether Posnanski was a pre-agreed patsy or just picking the right pointless internet fight at the right time, well, who beyond the walls of Vita Coco’s headquarters can say?

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In any case, when asked point-blank if it was actual piss in the jar, Vita Coco replied in the affirmative:

Vita Coco confirmed in a DM to Mashable that it really is pee in that jar. When we later followed up to ask if the marketing stunt meant that it the Pee Jar was fake, Vita Coco confirmed again that there was real urine in that jar.

When asked about whether it was only one person’s urine in the jar, or a team effort, Vita Coco attributed the sheer volume of liquid to “unlimited coconut water in the office.” They did not confirm whether only one person peed in the jar.

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In conclusion: Vita Coco is here to tell you about its delicious new coconut water through pee memes, and Twitter was a mistake.

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DISCUSSION

Assuming that is a 2 liter jar (which, you tell me). the volume definitely appears as if it was sourced from more than one person given that the average bladder is 400-600 mL. Which would technically void the nature of Posnanski’s statement which expressed a preference for a single individuals output over coconut water, multiple individual’s contributions is beyond the scope.

Secondly, the opacity of the urine in question is extremely concerning from a medical standpoint. Which, since most common cause of cloudy urine is dehydration, and that seems... implausible at a coconut water company, leaves etiologies like a UTI or Kidney Infection...