Trump administration vows to ban marshmallow-flavored vapes

Illustration for article titled Trump administration vows to ban marshmallow-flavored vapes
Photo: Laboko (iStock)

Yesterday the Trump administration announced it will try to ban the sale of all non-tobacco flavored e-cigarettes. As someone who became addicted to nicotine at the age of 12, this is a policy I can actually get behind. I cannot count the number of times I tried and failed to quit smoking—even with patches, gums, and prescriptions, the physical need for cigarettes was so vicious that it’s impossible to convey to someone who has never experienced it. I finally kicked the habit a decade ago by going cold turkey, forcing myself into such excruciating withdrawal that the pain still resonates in my body. I have recurring nightmares in which I am smoking once again, understanding just one teeny-tiny pull is all that would be necessary to thrust me back into a pack-a-day habit. And yet, as I type all these horrible memories, even after 10 years there’s a part of my brain that could really go for a cigarette right now.

In banning these nicotine products, which are available in a myriad of fruit- and candy-inspired flavors, the federal government hopes to put a quick end to the epidemic of mysterious vape-related deaths, which currently stands at at six.


“It’s very dangerous. Children have died. People have died,” Trump said, promising that he would enact “strong rules and regulations.” E-cigarettes are already regulated to keep them out of children’s hands—no one under the age of 18 is allowed to purchase them in any of the 50 states, and several states have already adopted a national push to ban sales to anyone under the age of 21. Trump’s proposed ban will apply to all Americans, regardless of their age.

But fear not if you’re an adult who prefers their vices candy-covered, because America still has plenty of those you can get in on:

Allison Robicelli is a JBFA-nominated food & humor writer, former professional chef, author of four (quite good) books, and The People's Hot Pocket Princess. Need cooking advice? Tweet me @Robicellis.


Burners Baby Burners: Discussion Inferno

“We can’t allow people to get sick,” [President Trump] said. “People are dying.”

Said the man whose goals included taking away health insurance because it had a nickname from his black predecessor and ensuring a dangerous amount of guns continues to flow across our nation.

Note that this clown once again hopes to bypass the legislative branch of the government by having the FDA drop the hammer for him while relying on a stooge to deadlock the very government that’s meant to keep the executive branch’s overreach in check. It’s almost as if he doesn’t care about democracy at all, but that’d be silly