Illustration for article titled Everyone has a cookbook now, so why not Trojan?
Photo: Trojan (Edelman)

For generations now, corporations have producing cookbooks to help sell their products: Knox Gelatin, Jell-O, Spam, Pillsbury, and so on and on and on. So why shouldn’t Trojan get in the game? It’s true that Trojan manufactures condoms, not food, but it’s long been understood that food can lead to situations where Trojans become necessary. And so... the world now has the free e-book Rising Time: 25 Bread Recipes To Remind Couples To Have Sex At Home. Its motto is, “While your bread is rising, you could be grinding.” And truly, how do you argue with that? The recipes all helpfully note the most optimal times to sneak off and have sex and for how long and reminds banging bakers that condoms are not reusable. So helpful!

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The book pairs each of its bread recipes (divided into “Quickies,” “Afternoon Delights,” and “All Nighters”) with a particular Trojan condom. It’s not clear how these pairings were decided, but the photography makes it clear that (unused) condoms can substitute for bread bags in a pinch.

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“Out of the 25 recipes best ‘paired with a condom,’” Alma opines, “Big Babka Energy is clearly the most sensual (best paired with Trojan’s Magnum Ribbed condom).” Maybe it’s because it has two rising times, if you know what I mean, and I think you do. There’s really not much that is subtle about this cookbook—or babka for that matter. But the recipes themselves appear solid, as does some of the sex advice: “It’s time for more sex. Don’t have so much that you double over in pain or get puffy.” Whoever wrote it apparently enjoyed themself immensely. Whatever gets you through the night. Or afternoon. Or whatever.

Aimee Levitt is associate editor of The Takeout.

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