Patriots tight end Rob Gronkowski seems like a pretty impressionable guy, the kind of dude you could convince to lick a battery just by saying “Gronk, lick this battery.”
So it wasn’t hard for his teammate/Patrick Bateman lookalike Tom Brady to convince Gronk that he should also follow Brady’s notoriously restrictive diet regimen, which involves vegan food and “limited use of soy.” According to Business Insider, though, sentient refrigerator Rob Gronkowski is all about the diet! He says following Brady’s lead has “extended his career” and turning him on to the pleasures of avocado ice cream. He says he now eats plant-based meals 75 percent of the time, while “just keeping it clean” the rest of the time.
Gronk might be on board with this chia-seed, Amanda Chantal Bacon meal plan, but others on the team are not. A Patriots staffer told ESPN in January that Brady’s TB12 method—backed by the crapscience of hanger-on Alex Guerrero—feels “like a cult” to some other players. Well if it’s a cult, consider Gronk its Ma Anand Sheela, happily slopping avocado ice cream into his giant maw.
Editor’s note: The author is a New York Giants fan and avowed Brady hater.