That’s a cake... but do we ever see him eat the cake?
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It’s not every day that not one but two stories concerning His Royal Highness Prince Charles Philip Arthur George, Prince of Wales, KG, KT, GCB, OM, AK, QSO, CC, PC, ADC, Earl of Chester, Duke of Cornwall, Duke of Rothesay, Earl of Carrick, Baron of Renfrew, Lord of the Isles and Prince and Great Steward of Scotland come across one’s desk. But today is not just any ordinary day, and so one must rise to the challenge, even if one is not traditionally the sort to cover the comings and goings of the House of Windsor.

And so one carries on, doesn’t one? One begins with a strange news story that centers of HRH Prince Charles seemingly declining to eat any of the dishes presented before his royal mouthage whilst serving as a guest judge on MasterChef Australia. Eater draws one’s attention to the controversy in this report:

As part of a challenge where the contestants were asked to use local Australian ingredients, his Royal Highness was served wallaby tartare topped with green ants, and goat cheese mousse with bush spices, but the Prince of Wales abstained from eating any of the canapés.

One is most amused by this event. Sharp-eyed commoners on Twitter saw fit to share their thoughts on the lack of mastication completed by his royal personage. Eater references speculation about a secret rule that prevents royals from eating on camera, as well as the suggestion that perhaps the food wasn’t cleared by a security detail. Or perhaps HRH thought it looked, to use a vulgar colloquialism common to the rabble, really fuckin’ gross.

Elsewhere in news concerning Meghan Markle’s most esteemed father-in-law (and also concerning MasterChef Australia, actually), Camilla, Duchess of Cornwall, was asked what her husband’s favorite foods were so that the competitors of MasterChef might best serve his royal palate. She responded, per Parade, thusly:

“He loves local cheeses. He’s a huge cheese fan. Anything to do with cheese, he’ll love.”

[MasterChef judge Gary] Mehigan asked for further insight on behalf of the contestants and Camilla advised, “Anything with eggs. With a bed of local vegetables.”

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Note to all subjects: Please present his esteemed personage with the finest local cheeses you may possess. Oh, and one last note: he apparently hates garlic. One leaps to the only logical conclusion one can draw from recent events, and one must state that conclusion plainly. Chuck Windsor is a vampire.