Another day, another TikTok video making me feel like a goddamn fool. Know how long I’ve been making eggs? A long-ass time. Know how many times I’ve done this? Zero. Zero times.
In a recent video posted to TikTok, user Andrew Gatt shares a trick for keeping your countertops free of spills. He pours a bowl of whisked eggs into a pan on the stove, but instead of setting the bowl upright on the counter again, he first rotates it all the way around so that the drips go inside the bowl. No more dripping all over the sides, no more crusty little puddles of raw egg stuck to the kitchen counter. Remember when you took physics in high school and thought it was a total waste of time because you’d “never use it in the real world”? Apparently you were wrong. Had any of us paid attention to those lessons on momentum, rotation, and whatever other relevant physics-type stuff that’s going on with those eggs up there, we could have collectively saved minutes of our lives that were completely wasted on egg dribble management. This is the sort of regret I’ll remember on my deathbed. Goddamn you, TikTok. I don’t need to be pondering my own mortality on a Monday.