This is not a drill: 7-Eleven debuts DIY tater-tot bar

Illustration for article titled This is not a drill: 7-Eleven debuts DIY tater-tot bar
Photo: Scott Olson, smileitsmccheeze (Getty Images)

The Slurpee and taquito combination is classic, no doubt. But should you desire yet more convenience store starch-delivery options, 7-Eleven has your back with its latest offering: tots.

Nation’s Restaurants News reports that the new “potato tots”—are there other tots?—can be topped with the same condiment bar offerings as the stores’ Big Bite hot dogs and nachos. So no, 7-Eleven didn’t roll out a whole new tater-tot aisle, the chain just started frying up tots and encouraging you to top them over at the ketchup stand. NRN reports that 7-Eleven stores typically offer six-plus topping in addition to ketchup and mustard, which may include chili sauce, melted cheese, pico de gallo, diced onion, sliced jalapeños, green relish, and pickles.

I’ll admit I felt a tad letdown when I put that information together, but I quickly lifted my spirits with some creative brainstorming. Standard condiments are a great start to a customized tot creation, sure, but the rest of 7-Eleven’s aisles offer a veritable cornucopia of depraved tot toppings. You’ll have to buy the extra items, but think of the possibilities:

  • ranch dressing, obvi
  • barbecue sauce
  • sour cream and bacon bits
  • crumbled beef jerky (I’m so sorry)
  • crushed-up Cheetos
  • sriracha
  • guacamole

A final note: Please don’t forget to grab a plastic fork with which to consume these. It would be completely undignified to slop them into your face with the Slurpee shovel-spoon.

Kate Bernot is a freelance writer and a certified beer judge. She was previously managing editor at The Takeout.

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The mention of shredded jerky reminds me of something embarrassing. As a kid, I used to be obsessed with Jerky Stuff (yes, that was the brand name). It was pre-shredded jerky in a little can (just like chewing tobacco). I’d carry it in my back pocket, do that smacking, pack it down thing, and take a dip like a little Bubba, proud as a peacock.