Using pictures of food to communicate has been effective since early humans scratched deer onto cave walls. Today, the menus at fast food chains show pictures of each item. Many Japanese restaurants advertise with plastic replicas of popular dishes at their entrances. And there are plenty of diners illustrating their eggs Benedict and deluxe Belgian waffles.
So it only makes sense that there’s an entire section of emojis dedicated to food, which makes it even more frustrating when you want to convince someone to join you for waffles, but there’s no goddamn waffle emoji. It’s 2019! How is this possible?!
We’re going to end that now by telling Unicode Consortium which food emojis we need right now, without further delay. Our brunch plans depend on it.
Let me start by saying there are food emojis in Emoji Release 12.0 that are promised by the end of this year. Those include: garlic, onion, waffle (thank you!), falafel, butter, oyster, beverage box (wine?), maté, and an ice cube. Note: Those are also the ingredients needed for my Never Fail Hangover Cure.
While these are nice, and better come soon, there’s some others that need to be added to the emoji pantry pronto. (A special thanks to Takeout graphic designer Natalie Peeples for these prototype—hey Unicode, how about giving Natalie some sweet, sweet royalty?)
First off, we need more vegetables in the emoji catalog. There’s plenty of fruit but only seven veggies. Also, a good emoji has multiple meanings—I see you, eggplant 🍆. Peas in a pod aren’t just a healthy snack, but can refer to how close you are to the person you’re texting with.
If you want to tell someone you want fast food, there’s plenty of emoji. But what if you want some fair fare? There’s nothing! “What about popcorn?” No. That’s for movies. We need a corndog to let people know I’m interested in eating something deep fried that comes from a truck next to a ride that barely passed a safety inspection.
A hot sauce emoji is an excellent way to tell people to kick it up a notch. Add some spice to your food, your clothes, your late night texts. Let’s give the fire emoji 🔥 a rest and start using some heat.
Unicode, not all of us can enjoy dairy. But we still want a fun summer treat. And nothing screams summer treat like the red, white, and blue of a Rocket Pop. Plus, another food-on-a-stick emoji would be nice. Also, America!
What emoji would I use right now to tell someone that I want some down home, made from scratch, big comfort cooking? A raw potato?!
Yeah, there’s a bread emoji 🍞, even a baguette emoji 🥖, but no toast emoji. Again, it’s a great dual meaning emoji. We all eat toast and it’s a great way to tell people “You fucked up. You’re toast.” Plus, you can’t tell me a toast emoji next to the egg cooking emoji 🍳 isn’t just the cutest thing.
How is there a fax machine emoji 📠 but no oven emoji? Besides the fact it’s a common appliance, it’s also a great way to communicate that you want to cook instead of going out, or potentially that you are with child.
Sticking with appliances, a blender emoji would be fantastic. How are you going to tell people you want smoothies? The cup with a straw emoji 🥤? Plus, it will allow me to finally use my favorite Marisa Tomei line—“Yeah, you blend”—in emoji form.
Yes, there’s a workaround in that many people use the kissing smiley with the 👌 emoji, but we can do it in one emoji. This emoji is an excellent way to communicate your love for someone’s execution on a dish they made or an amazing online clapback.
And lastly, we need a smiley that communicates “I’m starving!” That’s why I’ve come up with this one: It’s your standard Smiley with crossed forks and spoons for eyes. This emoji tells people I’ve got food on my mind and nothing else matters.