There’s a Dr. Pepper shortage because 2020 can’t stop breaking our hearts

Illustration for article titled There’s a Dr. Pepper shortage because 2020 can’t stop breaking our hearts
Photo: Ramin Talaie (Getty Images)

Since the clock struck midnight on January 1, we have had to endure horrific wildfires, a presidential impeachment, the collapse of the American economy, record unemployment, the death of Wilford Brimley, civil unrest, murder hornets, earthquakes, the possibility of World War III, and a little thing called coronavirus. It’s hard to picture things getting any worse, but it’s happened, because now there’s a Dr. Pepper shortage. God is dead, and nothing is sacred.

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Why is this happening? Dr. Pepper won’t tell us, which means it’s probably something really, really bad. Perhaps their factories have been swarmed by locusts, or were immolated by alien death rays, or are being tormented by the ghost of Wilford Brimley. Or maybe it has something to do with the aluminum can shortage. All we can do now is keep Dr. Pepper in our thoughts and prayers. Hang in there, America. We’ll get through this together.

Allison Robicelli is The Takeout staff writer, a former professional chef, author of three books, and The People's Hot Pocket Princess. Questions about recipes/need cooking advice? Tweet @Robicellis.

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Manic Otti

Fortunately, practically every store has a store brand knock off that tastes almost the same anyway.