Last Call: Where’s my Wienermobile?

Illustration for article titled Last Call: Where’s my Wienermobile?
Photo: Rob Kim (Getty Images)
Last CallLast CallLast Call is The Takeout’s online watering hole where you can chat, share recipes, and use the comment section as an open thread. Here’s what we’ve been reading/watching/listening around the office today.

Last month, while on a very important Takeout mission to Dairy Queen (I swear, it’s a harder job than it sounds like), I, for the first time in my entire life, saw the Wienermobile. While I am not much of a fan of Oscar Meyer wieners (I’m more of a Boar’s Head gal myself), I am a huge fan of gigantic hot dogs on wheels, which is why I decided not to get off at my exit in favor of pursuing the Wienermobile south on I-97 for about ten miles before my 13-year-old son in the passenger seat forced me to stop because I was being “completely irresponsible” and was “supposed to be working.” And so I watched the Wienermobile drive off into the horizon, and I hung my head in disappointment as we continued on to Dairy Queen to eat many, many Blizzards.

Illustration for article titled Last Call: Where’s my Wienermobile?
Photo: Atticus Robicelli

I’m still not sure why I decided to engage in a moderate-speed chase with the Wienermobile, nor do I know what I would have done had I caught it. I’d always pictured it to be much bigger than it is in real life, as you can see from the photo at left, taken by my son from a Kia Soul as I was screaming, “THERE IT IS OH MY GOD IF YOU RUIN THIS PHOTO I WILL DISOWN YOU” in his face. The Wienermobile is less like a Mack Truck and more like a sporty little coupe with a gigantic hot dog just plopped on top. It’s the kind of thing I could see myself driving on a daily basis, which prompts the question: Why are there no commercially available cars shaped like hot dogs? I can think of at least a dozen people I know who would jump at the chance to drive a hot dog every day instead of a lame-ass minivan. Think of all the storage space that thing probably has! Imagine taking a gigantic hot dog to Costco! And then I started thinking of all the other food on wheels I would be compelled to chase down I-97 for no comprehensible reason whatsoever. Why are there no Chipotle Burrito Buses or White Castle Slider Smart Cars? If every freaking food brand can put out a stupid Christmas sweater, they can figure out how to slap four wheels and an engine on a 2,000 lb. McNugget or a giant baked potato. We might not have flying cars yet, but in the year 2020, our highways should be bumper-to-bumper with motorized chalupas. Humanity deserves that much.

What junk food jalopy would you most like to drive off the lot?

Allison Robicelli is a writer, recipe czar, former professional chef, author of four (quite good) books, and The People's Hot Pocket Princess. Tweet me for recipe help: @Robicellis.



This guy, because Mini Cooper.