On February 11, our own Gwen Ihnat wrote the following:
We Bachelor fans are a patient lot... It looks like this week we finally get the scene that has been teased in the previews from the beginning: The moment when Colton [Underwood, the star of the current season of The Bachelor] finally gets so fed up, he jumps over the mansion wall and makes a run for it. He’s a professional athlete, so I guess that stunt wouldn’t be too difficult a move for him. But I am really looking forward to Bachelor host Chris Harrison jogging around the grounds and yelling out “Colton!” in the middle of the night.
Again, that was February 11. That fence jump happened last Monday. But it was worth the wait. (Though, like almost everything Bachelor-related, there’s a hell of a lot of filler. Skip to the one-minute mark.)
I’m not a longtime Bachelor fan. I wouldn’t even really call myself a fan now. But first I got sucked into the drama at the end of the last season of The Bachelor—dude got engaged to a woman, then dumped her, at great length, on television—and then when said dumped woman became The Bachelorette, I obviously had to see what happened. And then the aw-shucks dopey football-playing virgin got sent home right before they reached the doin’ it portion of the proceedings, and said aw-shucks guy became The Bachelor, and here we are, on the eve of the two-part finale. I’m not proud, but I will sure-as-shit be watching, and there will be draaaaamaaaaaa.
Could any of it possibly top that fence-jump, though?
The powers that be at ABC teased that fence-jump for a long-ass time. They teased it from the very beginning of this season. They teased it so hard that, when I spoke briefly with Underwood at an event in Los Angeles in early February, it was one of two things I asked him about. “I’ve done a lot of athletic things in my life,” he said, “but that was one of the more graceful things I think I’ve ever done.” I responded that it did indeed seem very graceful, and that he just kinda sailed over the thing. He made an aw-shucks face, and responded, “Adrenaline is a hell of a drug.”
That’s the second thing I asked him. The first is below. He was very nice, and was wholly unprepared for such a question. Just thought I’d mention that, for absolutely no reason.
The Takeout: Is a hot dog a sandwich?
Colton Underwood: No, a hot dog is its own genre.
TO: What makes it not a sandwich?
CU: I would say the shape of it. A square is a square, and a rectangle is a rectangle.
TO: So, a sandwich is what?
CU: A sandwich is circular. A hot dog is not circular.
TO: Okay. So, what about, say, a tuna fish sandwich, which is square?
CU: But what is—what is on that sandwich? Is it a bun? Anything with a bun is a sandwich, but a hot dog bun is not the same thing.
TO: But, what about bread? Like, sandwich bread? Is it a sandwich if it’s on sandwich bread?
CU: Yes. One hundred percent.
TO: Okay. So... a bun, or bread, but not—
CU: Okay, a sandwich—stay with me for a second—a sandwich has a bottom bun and a top bun. That’s why you call it a sandwich. Because you’re sandwiching it in. A hot dog is not a sandwich. It has a bun, because there’s nothing on top. It’s exposed.
Colton Underwood, also exposed, will appear in the two-part 23rd season finale of The Bachelor this week, airing Monday, March 11, and Tuesday, March 12, at 8 p.m. Eastern on ABC.