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No one ate Ashley P.

The vague idea of snacks

Image for article titled The food that didn’t get eaten on the The Bachelor, week 1: Was that cottage cheese?
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Computer, enhance.

Image for article titled The food that didn’t get eaten on the The Bachelor, week 1: Was that cottage cheese?
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Computer, new angle.

Image for article titled The food that didn’t get eaten on the The Bachelor, week 1: Was that cottage cheese?
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After the first group date in which Kelley, a woman who ran into Peter in a hotel lobby and assumed that meant God was telling her to go on a reality show, won a race through an obstacle course by ignoring the obstacles, Peter and his paramours were treated to: Champagne, red wine, margaritas, gin and/or vodka tonics, two votive candles, a pile of some kind of fried rollup, a cheeseboard of doughnut holes, one sleeve of crackers, some graham crackers, and a couple whitish blobs I assume are cheese. No one ate anything.

Home cooking

We were treated to the sight of Hannah “Can I steal you a second?” Anne and her family not eating a large family meal, including a pitcher of lemonade, a pitcher of iced tea, and a basket of corn muffins that are definitely getting cold. We also watched Victoria P., whose humor is of indeterminate moistness, bake cookies with her family. No one so much as licked a spoon.

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A whole “meal”

At long last, the traditional one-on-one date “meal.” After attending Barbara and Peter Sr.’s vow-renewal ceremony, Peter and Basketball Madison sat down together for a “meal” and a discussion about how weird it is that they’re both catching feelings so soon.

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The menu included 23 drinking glasses, a large helping of garnish, and what is either rice, cottage cheese, or the remains of a tiny melted snowman.

Image for article titled The food that didn’t get eaten on the The Bachelor, week 1: Was that cottage cheese?
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They did not eat anything.

Did anyone eat anything at all?

Lots of wine, some cocktails, and face. Lots of face. Peter snacked on everybody’s face.

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Who most deserves a plate full of macaroni and cheese or a huge piece of cake or something?

Image for article titled The food that didn’t get eaten on the The Bachelor, week 1: Was that cottage cheese?
Screenshot: ABC
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Hannah, you need a vacation.