Moms call out Santa cookies for being way too holly jolly

Man dressed as Santa stands in the shadows
Photo: NurPhoto (Getty Images)

Sugar plums. Jingle bells. Santa’s big ol’ swinging bag. These are all perfectly innocent aspects of holiday lore that offer absolutely no anatomical symbolism to those of us who’ve landed on the Nice List this year. But Naughty List honorees see things a little differently—as evidenced by the unfortunate discourse surrounding Target’s Santa cookies.

As reported by the New York Post, Target’s cheery holiday confections are making the rounds on social media due to a design flaw with St. Nick’s footwear. The jolly old elf is split into three cookies, snowman-style, and he sports a pair of strapping boots that some shoppers say resemble a festive phallus.

The Post chatted with several moms who wised up to the cookies’ Bad Santa vibes long after purchasing. “My friends pointed out Santa’s boots—which I then couldn’t unsee,” said Nicole Miller, a mother of four. “I would not send these to school,” mom of two Suzie Fromer told The Post. “Definite design fail!” Fromer’s neighbor, Mai Spurlock Sykes, felt similarly, exclaiming: “‘What the hell is Santa’s penis doing there?’”

Advertisement

Target gave a statement to The Post, and the brand’s reps expressed surprise at consumers’ dirty, dirty minds. “We have not received any feedback directly on this item,” a rep said. “The design is intended to represent Santa’s boots. We appreciate the feedback and will take it into consideration moving forward.”

Does the design look more carnal than Christmasy? Perhaps. Do I, an intellectually curious person, plan to purchase the cookies for my personal consumption? Absolutely. I mean, they’re only $3.99. O, what fun.

Staff writer @ The Takeout, joke writer elsewhere. Wrangling dogs and pork shoulder in Chicago.

Share This Story

Get our newsletter

DISCUSSION

Sometimes a cookie is just a cookie. Someone’s filthy imagination is engorging their naughty bits.