Six years ago, in a secret laboratory deep within the bowels of Taco Bell HQ, a team of mad scientists successfully mated a chalupa with a quesadilla. After months of tinkering with its genetic code and flavorful toppings, the Quesalupa was introduced to the world, and the people rejoiced. Alas, its stint in the public eye was always intended to be a short one, so in spite of its insane popularity and the cries of an inconsolable public, Taco Bell returned the Quesalupa to its underground vault in late 2016, and the world plunged into darkness.
Today is March 10, 2021, and times have been bleak. But lo, there are signs of hope! Outside my window the sun is shining, the weather is warm, the flowers are starting to bloom anew. There are vaccines ahoy, and with them the promise of days to be spent with friends, living, laughing, loving. But, lo, what is that I spy upon the horizon, glowing as brightly as a thousand suns, filling our hearts with joy and peace, beckoning us into a new age? The Quesalupa has returned, with 50% more cheese!
Behold its cheese-stuffed deep-fried chalupa shell, stuffed edge-to-edge with molten pepper jack and mozzarella! Gaze upon its glistening seasoned beef, crispy lettuce, diced tomatoes, and reduced-fat sour cream. Marvel at the shredded cheddar, boldly declaring that there’s no such thing as “too much cheese!” Oh but today is the most glorious of days for those who have downloaded Taco Bell’s app, which grants them “early access” to the revived Quesalupa. If you don’t have the app you’ll have to patiently wait til tomorrow to start celebrating. Alas, once again, the Quesalupa is available for a limited time only, so gather your queso while ye may.