Photo: iWichy (iStock)

We all have our necessities in life. Water, certainly. Chocolate, probably. In your own food survival pack, if you have one, you may have stashed favorites like chocolate-chip granola bars or possibly 27 pounds of mac-and-cheese.

When the shit hits the fan, we hope there is coffee. The apocalypse will be bad enough, but a caffeine-less existence will likely make those zombies even more cranky.

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But perhaps the perpetually neutral Switzerland is more chill than we are in the U.S., as USA Today reports that the country’s Federal Council ruled this week coffee is “not vital for human survival and should be removed from the nation’s required emergency stockpile.” Which begs the question: Not vital for whom? USA Today cheekily notes, “Perhaps pressing its luck, the council continued… ‘coffee contains almost no calories and therefore does not make any contribution to food security from a nutritional point of view.’” This stern finding is even more surprising, as USA Today points out, when we consider that the Swiss drink coffee at a rate that’s even double the rate of American coffee drinkers: 18 pounds a year on average, compared to nine pounds a year by the average U.S. drinker. (This number sounds low, but okay, USA Today.)

Maybe there’s a lack of storage space in this Swiss bunker? At any rate, this proposal still has to go through a period of public comment. If it passes, “importers will no longer have to stockpile coffee after 2022.” We have two action items after reading this: 1) find out if America is also stashing coffee and 2) start our own java stockpile. Maxwell House isn’t really that bad, and is available in large quantities.