Stop & Shop debuts so-called ’90s throwback website for suckers

Illustration for article titled Stop  Shop debuts so-called ’90s throwback website for suckers
Screenshot: Stop and Shop

I really need to stop getting my hopes up. If you have the lowest possible expectations for things, then no matter what you get, you’ll be pleasantly surprised. But man, do I have a weakness for nostalgia, especially this week. Remember the ’90s? It was a pre-9/11 world where we didn’t have to take our shoes off at the airport. We had no cell phones, but did have beepers so our friends could shoot us a well-timed “80085" whenever the mood struck. There was no social media, so we were blissfully unaware of exactly how many assholes there were in the world. There was Zima.

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It was a hell of a time to be alive, wasn’t it? That’s why Stop & Shop recently decided to launch a “throwback” website, as reported by industry publication Supermarket News. As a person who reads Supermarket News I found this to be extremely exciting, because, honestly, not a lot of exciting stuff happens in the trade papers. Then I clicked the link and was immediately disappointed, because this site is “90s” in name only. It’s a site full of Bagel Bites and lies, and I do not need Bagel Bites sullied with the stink of betrayal—not now, not ever.

According to Stop & Shop, “The ’90s: A Decade of Unforgettable Foods” is “a curated assortment” of all the foods you loved as a child. While I’m happy to have Go-Gurt and AriZona iced tea presented in a late-20th-century color palette, the website itself is bullshit. If you’re going to build a ’90s-throwback website, it needs to be a GeoCities page that runs on Netscape. If Stop & Shop had really wanted to stoke our sense of nostalgia, it would have been best to go all-in on it, allowing a team designers to build something that looks like this. Had any of that happened, I would’ve gladly changed my diet to nothing but Lunchables and Capri-Suns. But alas, it seems as though I’ll be sticking with my breakfast cereals of yesteryear.

Allison Robicelli is The Takeout staff writer, a former professional chef, author of three books, and The People's Hot Pocket Princess. Questions about recipes/need cooking advice? Tweet @Robicellis.

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DISCUSSION

A girlfriend of mine was once offered a job on the trade paper Potato News. She showed me a couple of copies and I’ll bet it made Supermarket News look like the most action-packed graphic novel ever produced....

She was looking for another job since she was working on a trade journal for ‘white goods’, fridges, cookers and the like. When the highlight of your day was a press release about a sandwich toaster with removable grill plates it was time to go.