Starbucks announced its holiday menu yesterday. “Starbucks rings in the holidays with fan favorites,” the press release crowed. Peppermint Mocha. Toasted White Chocolate Mocha. Caramel Brulée Latte. Chestnut Praline Latte. Eggnog Latte. Notice which fan favorite’s not there?
For reasons that remain unexplained, Starbucks is abandoning the Gingerbread Latte this year, at least in the United States. The Today show even asked directly, and a spokeswoman refused to answer. But Starbucks will be selling it in Canada and the U.K. Does the United States not appreciate Dickens and the True Spirit of Christmas or something, Starbucks? If so, do you not realize that the holidays are about gentle instruction and the spirit of love, not harsh, punitive measures? Have you people never watched a Hallmark holiday movie?
The Gingerbread Latte is the very best of the holiday beverages, the only one that sort of tastes like what it’s supposed to taste like instead of pure, unadulterated sugar. There’s a subtle tinge of ginger that’s very comforting on a gloomy winter afternoon when “I’ll Be Home For Christmas” is playing on a sound system and you’re feeling tired of the holidays and world-weary in general and thoroughly sorry for yourself. (I drank a lot of Gingerbread Lattes the holiday seasons I was working retail.)
Business Insider did the Lord’s work and canvassed Twitter for expressions of outrage from the Gingerbread Latte–deprived. It also uncovered this gem:
As a former barista, I can tell you that your barista will not be happy if you try to pull this stunt.
Curse you, Starbucks! Even though you are closer to the office than Dunkin’, I will be walking the extra 25 feet this holiday season just to spite you. Unless, of course, you experience one of those Christmasy changes of heart I see so often in the movies—though less often in life. Then I will forgive. Because it’s Christmas.