News For Squirrels: Walnut Stash In Kia Raided By Jerkface Humans

Attention squirrels! Nut-gathering season is in full swing, and the humans have already begun their campaign to find and destroy your precious wintertime food reserves. Take a look at this stash of over 200 walnuts amassed by a squirrel in Franklin Park, Pennsylvania, which has been completely obliterated by a gigantic flesh monster called "Chris Persic."

The unfortunate squirrel's nut depository was apparently a motorized chamber called a "Kia," which Persic "owns." A secondary human—who has been identified by squirrel witnesses as "flesh wife"—initially found the stash after an accidental attempt to set three whole days of backbreaking gathering work ablaze. After alerting Chris Persic to its location, the two made quick work of uncovering the hiding place, removing all 200 walnuts.

It is currently unclear if the humans have stolen the nuts for their own burrow, or if they've fenced them on the black market. Squirrel authorities urge the public to be vigilant, as there's no telling when the flesh monsters will strike again. Ground storage remains the optimal choice, as the majority of humans seem adverse to kneeling and digging. Locations that are shiny, supernaturally climate controlled, or close to known human nests should be avoided.