Photo: Michael Nagle (Getty Images)

Important question, apropos of nothing: Which food is creepiest if you add teeth?

Parker School District in Parker, South Dakota announced the closing of school today (for holy-crap-it’s-so-cold reasons) via this hot dog with teeth, who claims to have had a conversation with superintendent Dr. Donovan G. DeBoer, who by complete coincidence looks a lot like this talking hot dog. It contains a few (but if we’re honest, not enough) hot dog-related dad jokes (he’s not a cold dog!). It is informative, ridiculous, and miraculous, because a hot dog is speaking.

We kid, we kid. But we’d like to share a few brief thoughts and questions about this talking hot dog.

  • Where do you think Dr. DeBoer’s kids are sitting on the “God, DAD, you are SO EMBARRASSING” scale? 86 out of 100?
  • Is there any purer example of a parent discovering an app and just going for it on this earth? This is mom-discovers-emojis, in video form.
  • Seriously, what’s the food that becomes most disconcerting when teeth are added?
  • Is the corn dog line a reference to the dad jokes? Because I’m into it.
  • Those kids are definitely not baking cakes and just as definitely playing Fortnite.
  • You know what I love most about this video? It practically screams, “Holy crap, it’s so cold that I’m going a little bit stir crazy, what can I do to amuse myself?” Me, I stocked up on stuff to bake a cake (because I don’t play Fortnite) and am mainlining some TV I have to watch for work. But it could just have easily been a sudden fascination with SnapChat.
  • Is this sentient school closing announcer a sandwich?

Stay warm out there, cold dogs.

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