Snack cake bandits threaten Missouri town’s Little Debbie supply

An individually wrapped Little Debbie Strawberry Shortcake
Photo: Willis Lam via Wikimedia Commons (Fair Use)

Something sinister is going on in Poplar Bluff, Missouri, because for the second time this year, a duo of sinister bandits have broken into a locked storage unit and stolen multiple boxes of Little Debbie snack cakes. The police are asking for the public’s assistance to solve this case. If any major crime syndicates learn Poplar Bluff has a thriving snack cake black market, then god help us all. Picture 1920s Chicago, but replace the booze with Zebra Cakes.

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The first theft occurred on New Year’s Day, when a man and a woman broke into a similar storage unit in the area and loaded eight cases of bagged donuts, three cases of Strawberry Shortcakes, two cases of Zebra Cake Rolls, three cases of Susie Q’s, two cases of Unicorn Cakes, and two cases of Birthday Cakes into the trunk of a Lincoln sedan and drove off. At the time, Detective Dan Mustain of the Poplar Bluff Police Department believed it would be an open-and-shut case, telling local news station KAIT that the suspects would likely be apprehended because of unique identifying characteristics on their car, and because the entire heist was caught on video. Nearly six months later, the suspects remain at large.

Then on May 22, two men broke into a different storage unit and walked away with multiple cases of yet-to-be-identified Little Debbie snack cakes. Once again the suspects were caught on video, which local police have posted the department’s Facebook page, along with a plea to the public for help in identifying the thieves; anyone who may have information about either heist is being urged to contact the Poplar Bluff Police Department at 573-686-8632.

It is currently unclear if the two heists are connected, but both scenarios are unsettling: if these are two separate incidents, it could mean the criminal underworld has decided it’s open season on Poplar Bluff’s Little Debbie reserves. If the heists are related, it could mean there’s a darker snack cake conspiracy in play, and this may very well be the tip of the iceberg.

Allison Robicelli is a JBFA-nominated food & humor writer, former professional chef, author of four (quite good) books, and The People's Hot Pocket Princess. Need cooking advice? Tweet me @Robicellis.

DISCUSSION

DJ MC

Tastykakes are better anyway.