Photo: Hormel Foods

When did sandwich-bread crusts become so difficult for kids to handle? I can understand a child’s aversion to chewing through a toothsome, crusty baguette, but sliced-bread crusts don’t seem so intimidating. Wonder Bread practically dissolves on your tongue, as far as I remember from my childhood lunches. Nevertheless, recent crust-aversion first brought us Smucker’s Uncrustables (PB&J Frisbees) and now Skippy P.B.&Jelly Minis (PB&J Tide Pods).

According to a press release, the new Skippy P.B.&Jelly Minis are made with real dried fruit jelly, peanut butter, and are “baked to perfection using a special blend of doughs to get a soft ‘bun-like’ texture.” I can’t unsee them as PB&J Tide Pods, which is probably the appeal for kids, I guess? I don’t know, I am so far outside this target demographic that I can barely grasp the appeal. What would intrigue me is a PB&J bao; if the Minis’ “bun-like” texture is springy enough, that might actually be a snack I’d try out.

The Minis come in packages of four or seven, and “can can go right from the freezer into a lunch box or backpack [to] thaw for a delicious mid-morning snack or great lunch option.” Hey kids, come get your thawed pods! Not to wade into a deep debate about the Platonic essence of sandwiches, but can these Uncrustables and PB&J pods even be called sandwiches? Or are have sandwiches spawned some sort of pod-shaped subgenus, sandwichus bunnicus?