Shrimp & Grids: The “Bella Hadid Makes Soup” edition

Bella Hadid on the runway
Photo: STEPHANE DE SAKUTIN/AFP (Getty Images), Graphic: Natalie Peeples (Getty Images)

Welcome to another installment of Shrimp & Grids, the column where we dissect the meals of Instagram’s most followed. Why would we subject ourselves to such scrolling? Because whether we like it or not, the influencer economy is shaping what we buy, wear, and, yes, eat. Let’s dig in!

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STOP THE PRESSES! BELLA HADID MADE CHICKEN KATSU RAMEN!

Okay, no, she actually did not. While this fried poultry soup does look delicious, the supermodel (or her personal chef?) used udon, not ramen. Specifically, this looks like Inaniwa udon, which are thinner and flatter than most udon, and is a specialty from Akita. (If this is not Inaniwa udon, let us know!) While ramen’s wheat noodles are typically made with eggs, udon is vegan and less flavorful, thus able to sop up the flavors with which it’s cooked. Also, ramen noodles are, for the most part, curly, while udon is straight. To her credit, Bella knew her noodles were off. She captioned an Instagram story slide, “Not exactly the right noodles but they’ll do!!” Which, Bella, yes.

Okay, enough with Noodle Corner. Hadid tagged Half Baked Harvest in her story, which led us to the online recipe, which is here. Is this spon? Or did Bella catch a harsh winter gust and, hands shivering, Google “warm soup for frail bones”? We’ll never know!

Are we influenced? While I’m not convinced Bella did any of that scallion chopping, I’m honestly influenced to do it myself!


If the Snow White Witch just wanted attention

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What’s the exact opposite of a recipe? Using fruit as a vehicle to flaunt your deltoids, of course! Thirst-trapping is often assumed to be a gendered practice, but here’s Nash Grier to prove essentialism wrong. First thing’s first: what is a Nash Grier? The 23-year-old internet persona rose to prominence on Vine, where he made goofy six-second videos with friends and family. Now he’s just famous online for being famous online, boasting 10.8 million Instagram followers.

Which leads us to this photo series of Nash Grier eating an apple, with the caption, “An apple a day keeps anyone away if you throw it hard enough.” The series has four slides: in two, Nash eats an apple while looking serious/pouty; the next, Nash laughs with apple in his mouth (been there, my dude!). And the last—wait, what? Nash is fully turned around, hanging up a towel (?), showing us his well-defined back. First of all, Nash, congratulations on your back. But if you want to show us your protruding rhomboids, just do it! No need to couch it in self-deprecating humor! No need to lure us in with apples! Leave apples out of your thirst!

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Are we influenced? To eat an apple? Not really! To train to successfully complete one pull-up? Yes!


Nachos, but sad!

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Speaking of apples, fitstagram is here to ruin nachos! Meet Jen Selter, an internet-famous fit person. Her claim to fame (?) is the hashtag #belfie—as in, butt selfie—which she apparently popularized online. Now, Jen posts workouts, productivity tips, photos of her muscular body in very little clothing, and, of course, “healthy” recipes. And unlike The Rock, Jen Selter does not “cheat” on Super Bowl Sunday. Which means Jen Selter’s Super Bowl Sunday looked very, very different from ours. Meet: apple nachos.

What the hell are apple nachos, you ask? They’re nachos, but instead of chips, you eat apple slices. The toppings pivot to sweet: Jen douses her apples in melted peanut butter, melted dark chocolate, coconut, granola, almonds, and sprinkles. So, not nachos at all.

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Are we influenced? While apples covered in chocolate and peanut butter sound pretty good, nothing could ever replace nachos in our hearts. Not influenced!

That’s it! Go enjoy your hot noodles!

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DISCUSSION

fortheloveoffudge
¿Donde está la biblioteca?

You know, one thing that Butt-Photo Girl forgot to mention is that if you don’t use or eat apples more or less straight-away one you’ve exposed the sweet, sweet deliciously delicious flesh to air, it’ll start to brown. So, if you want to be as basic as Scarlet O’Instaslapper there? You’ll spritz your apple slices with some lemon juice.

Oh and Nash Grier’ll probably have a porn video out soon where he “experiments” with various fruits and vegetables, etc etc ad nauseum ad infinitum...