Shower Beer: An Investigation

This Friday will be the 16th anniversary of the night my best friend pounded a six-pack of beer in the shower before meeting up with me at a bar and blurting out something vaguely resembling a marriage proposal. This came as a shock to both of us, as we'd only been dating for about six weeks. But, he tells me, shower beer "has a way of making you see things clearly," and the moment he laid his lightly buzzed eyes on me that evening, shower beer took the wheel and changed our lives forever.

Despite the fact that I owe the greatest thing that has ever happened to me to shower beer, I'd never thought to try one myself. I've been sober for six years and speak frankly about my struggles with alcohol, but even back when beer was a part of my life, taking it into the shower always sounded like a bit much—ridiculous, and even a little concerning.

But I had no idea that shower beer was such a thing until earlier this week when Coors announced the release of a shower beer holder. (Upon hearing this news, my husband screamed, "FUCKING TOLD YOU SO.") It had been 16 years since the first and last time I thought about drinking a beer in the shower.

Coors

"What's so great about shower beer?" I asked my husband.

"It's an amazing feeling," he responded. "Cold beer going down your chest while you're in a hot shower, especially after a long day at work. Like, you need to take a shower and relax your muscles, and then, you know, it's like, 'Why not relax with a beer, too?'"

"Sometimes you just want to hang out alone, and you can do that in the shower," he continued, obviously very prepared for my question. "I put on music and rock out, I'll use shampoo to make cool things with my hair, and, yeah, maybe drink some beer in the shower. It's like a spa." So that's what men are doing when they take thirty-minute showers. I had no idea!

I happened to have some non-alcoholic beer from Brooklyn Brewery in the fridge, so at my husband's suggestion, I finally tried shower beer for myself. It was... okay. The sensation of cold beer going down your gullet while hot water pours over your body is indeed wonderful, but that feeling is over in an instant. After that you're just wet, naked, and holding a can.

The real benefit of my shower beer experience is that it helped me keep conditioner in my hair for the recommended three minutes, which typically feels like an eternity for someone with ADD who has already read the back of every bottle in her shower and doesn't feel like shaving her legs. I stood there, stared at the wall, and drank my beer. By the time I finished it, my hair had attained maximum moisture, and I was free to go about my day.

Will I ever try shower beer again? Probably, because my hair looks fucking great right now. Are any of you shower beer devotees?