Fine, I guess: This sex toy will, ahem, alert you to your Grubhub order status

Crowd of women cheering
Let’s hear it for innovation, gals!
Photo: George Rinhart (Getty Images)

The future is now. We’ve got self-driving cars! We’ve got face transplants! We’ve got unprecedented aeronautics research and groundbreaking medical innovations! And now, we’ve got a vibrator that’ll buzz when your Grubhub order is en route. Ah, the ingenuity of the human race!

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In a press release sent to The Takeout, adult webcam platform CamSoda announced the launch of Grubuzz, a new technology that “harnesses the power of internet-connected sex toys,” also known as teledildonics, and “sends clitoral vibrations to people as their takeout food is being prepared and ultimately delivered.” Wonderful news, everyone. Wonderful news!

According to the release, the “frequency of vibrations increase through the food delivery process.” So, when your order is received by the restaurant, you’ll feel a little somethin’. When the driver leaves the restaurant with the order, you’ll feel a little somethin’ else. But who asked for this? Behold, the most deranged quote I’ve ever seen in a press release, courtesy of CamSoda Vice President Daryn Parker:

“With Grubuzz, not only will your mouth be watering while your order is being processed, but so too will your private parts. What better way to eat some of your favorite food from Olive Garden, Red Lobster, Outback Steakhouse or P.F. Chang’s then after you’ve orgasmed?!”

Yes, absolutely. Nothing says “earth-shattering climax” like Outback Steakhouse and/or P.F. Chang’s. The technology is actually based on a 2018 CamSoda project: RubGrub (!), a vibrator that allowed users to order a large cheese pizza from Domino’s via a programmable Bluetooth-powered button. Grubuzz takes things a step further, giving users a “curated email address” to use with delivery apps including GrubHub, Uber Eats, Caviar, DoorDash, and Postmates. The delivery app’s update emails will go directly to the CamSoda-generated email, which sends a vibration to the teledildonic device. Per the release, CamSoda also plans to integrate this technology into the hosting stations of national restaurant chains, allowing diners to wear their teledildonic device out of the house (never leave home without it!) and receive a vibration notifying them when their table is ready. Bon appetit!

Staff writer @ The Takeout, joke writer elsewhere. Wrangling dogs and pork shoulder in Chicago.

DISCUSSION

*sigh*

This is just to reinforce the old myth of a bored housewife fucking the pizza boy isn’t it?