Shockingly precise seagull steals KFC out of Scottish teen’s mouth

And of course his sister shared a video of the whole thing on TikTok.

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Seagull stealing chips out of bowl near harbor
Lo, the pestilence lingers
Photo: PETER PARKS/AFP (Getty Images)

A few months ago, I argued that there is simply no excuse to hit a seagull with a stick. I would now like to amend that statement. I was younger then, covered in a glimmering veneer of general enthusiasm and cockeyed optimism. But today, I saw a viral video of a hungry seagull snatching food from an unsuspecting teenager’s mouth. His mouth. Should’ve whack the thing with a stick, dang it.

TikTok user @sophieellenmcgill posted the video on TikTok late last week. In the clip, we see an unassuming parking lot in Glasgow, Scotland. On the sidewalk, Sophie’s brother, Matthew, is happily snacking on a wrap from KFC. But then the video slows, and we see the seagull swooping in for a bite. The bird crams its cursed beak into the lad’s mouth, stealing a bit of the wrap before flying away, back to the foul nest whence it came.

Earlier this week, the Sophie spoke with Newsweek about the video, captioned “Seagull 1 Matthew 0.” The teen explained: “My brother bought a flaming hot wrap from KFC and we were waiting outside for someone to pick us up. In the process my brother got hungry so started to eat the wrap and that’s when the seagull thought it would benefit himself more than Matthew.”

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As of today, the video has been viewed more than 2.4 million times and liked by more than 275,000 viewers. As one might expect, the comments on this one are pret-ty, pret-ty good. “Yo mate ... lucky you didn’t lose a tonsil,” commented one insightful viewer.

The encounter is enough to permanently amend my general acceptance of seagulls. These aren’t God’s creatures. These are covetous beasts sent to torment, pillage, and peck away at humanity’s delicious fast food wraps. Let’s get to whacking.