The Ritz TikTok account is an agent of chaos

Ritz recently “revealed” why its crackers have a scalloped edge

Boxes of Ritz Crackers on grocery store shelf
Photo: Alex Tai/SOPA Images/LightRocket (Getty Images)

Don’t believe everything you read on the internet view on the apps. @theritzcrackersofficial, or RITZTOK, is a TikTok account with 15,200 followers that aims to spread the good word about Nabisco’s Ritz crackers and curry favor with Gen Z. Ritz is a tasty cracker with nice aesthetics and a proud tradition of wedding salty and sweet, so I’m not sure why the brand is using its social media platform to peddle bold-faced lies.

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A video posted by Ritz over the weekend appears to “debunk” conventional wisdom and show users what the ridges along the edge of each cracker are “really for.” The real purpose of the scalloped edges, according to Ritz, is to cut slices of cheese, which you then plop on top of the cracker for the perfect snack. To illustrate the so-called snack hack, a cracker is shown rolling vertically over a slice of Swiss, pizza-cutter-style, until the cheese tears cleanly in two.

As of this writing, the video, I am loath to tell you, has well over 350,000 likes and 6,784 comments, many of which contain the sentiment, “MIND. BLOWN.” Young people of the internet, I beg you, please do not allow your minds to be blown by this.

Everyone knows that Ritz, for all their delicious buttery assets, are absolute bullshit when it comes to structural integrity. I do not fault Ritz for this; it’s simply the cost of packing so many of those salty, flaky layers into every bite. But it’s a fragile cracker, no question, and applying literally any pressure to a Ritz, much less trying to press it through the surface of a slice of cheese, is far less likely to leave you with cleanly cleaved cheese than a pile of salty cracker shards. There were some TikTok users who pointed this out; Ritz only responded by goading them into trying it themselves. A clever ploy to send gullible users to the store, demanding Ritz! I sort of love the gall!

We have to give credit where it’s due: Ritz has found a funny way to captivate the masses with Fun ‘n’ Dubious Factoids. But sometimes a cracker is just a cracker, and there probably isn’t some great secret behind why it was designed this way. (After all, isn’t the sharp, sturdy edge of a Wheat Thin a far more effective cheese-slicing tool?) So by all means, go have fun with TikTok—but if you’re following branded accounts, just know that they miiiiight sometimes stretch the truth to engage with their audience.

DISCUSSION

By
moistened bint

How gullible do they think we are? Next thing you know, they’ll be saying Triscuits aren’t woven by hand in Central America.