• The woman was “loud and causing a scene at the restaurant,” according to the arrest affidavit. A manager asked the woman to leave, who was cursing as she was led to the front door. Feed every story about disorderly swear-y conduct at a Red Lobster directly into our carotid artery, please.
  
• As the woman left, she “reached into a water tank containing live lobsters, grabbed a lobster and ran out of the restaurant.” The ultimate F.U. at a Red Lobster, well done.
• The woman was arrested at 1:44 p.m. That’s Saturday afternoon.
• After she was arrested, the woman said she did not know what happened to the lobster because she is “blacked out drunk” and “did not care because she did not do anything wrong.”
• The woman allegedly has tattoos on her back of “dragon and Koi fish.”

Please give the fine journalists at The Smoking Gun your click, we beg you.