Rich woman wants common folk to keep their skank trick-or-treat candy out of her neighborhood

Photo: RawPixer (iStock)

Neighborhood Facebook groups are indisputably one of the greatest elements of modern society. Where else can you learn about local events, buy a dubious used futon, post security cam photos of the creepy guy who stole your patio umbrella, and learn how batshit crazy your neighbors are? And, for those of us whose communities are a bit too civilized for our perverse tastes, we have the Best Of Nextdoor Twitter account to keep us updated on all the Looney McGoos out there terrorizing their communities with their ludicrous snits.

With Halloween creeping upon us, a woman from Rancho Cucamonga, California has a serious issue she felt it was important for the community to address: candy. Specifically, poor people candy. Rancho Cucamonga is a very fancy neighborhood, and when residents give out poor people candy like Dum Dums and Smarties on Halloween, it makes the whole town look like hot steaming garbage.

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Can you imagine what this is doing to Rancho Cucamonga property values? I shudder to think. But the good news in this story: Everyone in the greater Rancho Cucamonga area knows what house they should be visiting on Halloween for king-sized candy bars. I would hope they show up on her block by the thousands, because she certainly will not be running out of candy—after all, she wouldn’t want to look like she couldn’t afford it all.

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About the author

Allison Robicelli

Allison Robicelli is the staff writer for The Takeout, a former professional baker, the host of The Robicelli Argument Clinic Podcast, and a nascent birding enthusiast.