Photo: TerryJ/Getty Images

Some stories are so predictable, they write themselves. In that spirit, we’ll let you—dear Takeout readers—write this story. We’ll present you with a scenario that actually took place in Florida last week. You try to guess the outcome at each turn.


A rowdy restaurant customer was arrested last Thursday where?

A) An Au Bon Pain in Panama City Beach.
B) Guy Fieri’s American Kitchen & Bar near a 55+ adult community called The Villages.

The correct answer is B.


What was the scenario that caused Steven Noland Read to be arrested, according to the Sumter County Sheriff’s Office?

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A) He illegally parked his vehicle in a loading zone.
B) He was served vodka shots and started yelling at customers and restaurant staff.

The correct answer is B.


What happened when restaurant staff asked Read to leave?

A) He tipped his cap and said, “Thank you for the lovely meal, kind sirs.”
B) He screamed at the bartender that he wasn’t going anywhere, the cops were called, and Read was wrestled to the ground and handcuffed.

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The correct answer is B.


What happened on the way to jail?

A) Read engaged in a discussion with officers about criminal justice reform.
B) Read used derogatory language at a female EMT, began crying, and complained his handcuffs were on too tight.

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The correct answer is B.