For dedicated vegetable farmers, prize-winning produce is more than just a crop. It’s a badge of honor; a member of the family, if you will. That’s how Utah farmer Dusten Batty felt about the 60-pound pumpkin she had growing in her garden. Unfortunately, an unidentified thief pilfered the gigantic gourd—which led Batty and her husband to display two signs in hopes of chastising the swiper.
American Fork, Utah news outlet KSL reports that Batty’s hearty pumpkin garnered countless compliments before its disappearance. “It’s the largest one we ever grew,” Batty told KSL. “Everybody sees it and everybody is going, ‘I like your pumpkin. That is a huge pumpkin.’ And it’s like, yeah, we’re getting excited, you know? But it disappeared!”
The pumpkin was reportedly growing on the opposite side of the couple’s chain-link fence next to the sidewalk. But on one fateful day, Batty awoke to find that the pumpkin had vamoosed. Pumpkins are famously immobile, which means there’s only one possibility: someone stole Batty’s gourd. Why? We don’t know. Jack-o’-lantern malfeasance, perhaps.
Either way, Batty was furious—which is why she wrote a message on the fence using plastic cups. KSL reporter Alex Cabrero tweeted a photo of the sign, which reads: “You are scum who stole our pumpkin.” Batty’s husband also joined in the fun, zip-tying another, slightly more explicit sign to a gate near the couple’s garden. It reads: “Your a lowlife who stole our pumpkin, burn in Hell.”
Batty told KSL that she hopes the thief gets the message. “I hope they feel they did wrong and hopefully they don’t do it again,” she said. “Respect other people’s property.” Personally, I’m just stunned that the thief hasn’t been caught. It’s pretty hard to miss someone struggling down the sidewalk with a 60-pound pumpkin. Burn in Hell, pumpkin scum!