Once upon a time, when the Portland Trail Blazers racked up a score in the triple digits, everyone watching in the Moda Center (then the Rose Garden) got a free Taco Bell Chalupa. To this day, one can still sometimes hear cries of “CHAAAAAAAALUPA!” when the Blazers pop over that 100-point mark, especially if you are in my apartment, because I say it every time. But times change, and the Chalupa days are long gone. Instead, Blazers fans throughout Oregon and southwest Washington can enjoy an extremely meta free food experience today: Should they so choose, they can make like C.J. McCollum and have the Nuggets for lunch.
Thanks to a hell of a performance from C.J. McCollum (and, somehow, Evan Turner), the Blazers ended their incredibly engaging second-round playoff series with the Denver Nuggets by defeating them in game 7 on the road. The final score was Nuggets 96, Blazers 100, and that means free nuggs for everyone today. That’s deliciously on-the-nose. Should you choose, you can even dunk your nuggs, much like Meyers Leonard dunked on Nikola Jokic and Mason Plumlee, as if there were a container of honey mustard hidden inside that hoop.
I should acknowledge that this was a very competitive series, and that the Blazers looked not-super-great in the first half of this game. Yet McCollum really gritted his teeth and got the thing done, with the help of my basketball boyfriend Damian Lillard, who was less a stone-cold assassin this game than a guy who kept setting up his teammates to score, then resignedly running away when they whiffed. So maybe it’s less that that feasted on the Nuggets than that, like a Snickers commercial, they weren’t themselves when they were hungry, and so made a little snack of them in the fourth. (Hungry? Why wait?)
Anyway, Portland—and the rest of Oregon, plus southwest Washington—should you choose it, you can take the snack destiny has offered by downloading the McDonald’s app and redeeming the 100 Point Play. He succeeded, Jennifer. Go Blazers.