Photo: Cunaplus_M.Faba (Getty Images)

The Pacific Northwest is powering through a series of no-joke snowstorms right now. These storms aren’t of the sort that are intense for Portland and Seattle but make Chicagoans roll their eyes, but actually intense. So the fine people of the region spent their weekends buying a bunch of food like miserly dragons that just want organic produce and decent bread. They even ran out of kale.

I’m sure that there’s kale in some store somewhere, but look at that. That’s perfect.

The Oregonian reports that Portlanders swept through grocery stores across the city like hungry, cold, live-action Tasmanian devils, tearing fruit and milk and bread and all kinds of things off the shelves and throwing them into their fridges before diving under a pile of blankets.

Advertisement

It’s not just produce.

Advertisement

And it’s not just Portland.

Advertisement

Residents of Oregon and Washington, allow me to assure you that it’s going to be okay. Snow melts. If you manage to make it back to the store, here are the things you’re actually going to need. Grab a pen.

  • Beer
  • Whiskey
  • Wine
  • Sugar
  • Butter
  • Flour
  • Salt
  • Cheese
  • Macaroni
  • Macaroni and cheese
  • Cans of soup
  • Additional whiskey

Or check out The Takeout staff’s list of stuff that we stock up on when it’s stupid cold outside. And just make sure you’ve got some warm socks. Have fun! And be safe.

Advertisement