Please stop putting razor blades in food, including pizza dough

Hands kneading pizza dough
Photo: Nikola Nastasic (Getty Images)

As a professional pizzamaker, this one cuts deep.

Food Safety News reports that New England-area grocery store chain, Hannaford Supermarkets, has had to expand a recall on frozen pizza dough to include the Portland Pie brand. The press release states, “After what is believed to be further malicious tampering incidents involving metal objects inserted into Portland Pie products, Hannaford has removed all Portland Pie products from all store shelves and has paused replenishment of the products indefinitely.”

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So far, no injuries have been reported. Some reports have mentioned the insertion of razor blades and other metallic foreign objects into the products.

Is nothing sacred? It feels like people have been inserting razor blades into food for decades now. One Halloween, our entire neighborhood was paranoid that someone might end up doing that very thing, and so every parent was notified that they should visibly scan each piece of candy before letting their kid eat it. My best friend’s father was particularly angry at a grandmother on their block for always giving out homemade popcorn balls, since he thought those could be especially messed with.

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My parents didn’t bother looking over our candy, and this is how I’ve become the man I am today. (As an aside, there’s a collection of tampered Halloween candy at The History Channel and some of them get pretty wild.)

The man accused in the pizza dough tampering case, Nicholas R. Mitchell, was caught on surveillance camera doing the nefarious deed, and was arrested.

Razor blades. It’s always razor blades.

Staff writer at The Takeout. Also: Saveur Humor Blog Award Winner, professional pizza maker, and insufferable troublemaker.

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DISCUSSION

mytvneverlies
MyTVNeverLies

One Halloween, our entire neighborhood was paranoid that someone might end up doing that very thing, and so every parent was notified that they should visibly scan each piece of candy before letting their kid eat it.

I remember stories of hospitals offering to Xray candy, but now that I think about it, that was probably BS too.

Also stories of hippies putting LSD in candy.