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This Pizza Hut calendar schedules you for 680 different pizza orders

Bulletin board covered in Pizza Hut calendars, which feature dinosaurs, horses, dogs, and explosions on the front
Illustration: Pizza Hut

At their best, calendars remind us that there’s always a tomorrow, and many of our happiest days may be yet to come. At their worst, calendars are a reminder that time cannot be stopped and death is coming for us all. And somewhere in the middle sits the new Pizza Hut calendar.

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Today Pizza Hut is launching a $10 Tastemaker promotion: for a single Hamilton (plus tax), you can get a large pizza with any three toppings you desire. You want a pork, bacon, and ham pie? Done. Bacon, beef, and banana pepper? You got it. Meatball, pineapple, and “Mediterranean” black olives? Watch out, world, because nothing is gonna stop you! With 17 different toppings to choose from, mathematically, this means that you can order 680 different pizzas. If you have the self-control to limit yourself to one pizza a day it’s possible to eat a different pie every day for 22 1/3 months, and that is the kind of excitement that warrants its very own calendar. Imagine waking up each day, stumbling into the kitchen for your morning coffee, wiping the sleep from your groggy eyes, and staring at a Pizza Hut calendar where every single box is more than a day—it’s a reminder of a pizza you’ve yet to experience.

Oil painting of a Pizza Hut location along the banks of a snowy river
Illustration: Pizza Hut
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Each month’s art is nothing short of a masterpiece. Brave astronauts eating pizza while floating in the vast expanse of the cosmos. An ethereal slice of pizza exploding with toppings, radiating within the majesty of the Northern Lights. Sun-kissed wild stallions racing through an open field, which no man but a Pizza Hut delivery driver can tame. Each image brims with the sort of luminous beauty you’d expect from a Claude Monet or Thomas Kinkade, but way classier.

If you’d like to get your hands one one of these calendars, be one of the first 680 people to order the $10 Tastemaker today beginning at 3 p.m. Eastern through the Pizza Hut mobile app. If you manage to get your name on this most exclusive of lists, in a few months, once we’re all sure that 2021 is actually going to happen, Pizza Hut will mail you a calendar. Think of it as a beacon of happier, sodium-laden days to come.

Allison Robicelli is The Takeout staff writer, a former professional chef, author of three books, and The People's Hot Pocket Princess. Questions about recipes/need cooking advice? Tweet @Robicellis.

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DISCUSSION

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I’m trying to figure out how many of those 680 pies would be just too gross to eat. And not because they’re Pizza Hut, strictly “no way, no how, not even from the best local slice joint” because of the topping combo.