Photo: Roman Tiraspolsky (Getty Images)

Steven Hart, 45, has been arrested on several charges, including larceny of a vehicle. Here is what happened, step by step, according to The Wichita Eagle. Consider this an elevator pitch for a new sequel to one of the world’s greatest action movies, the immortal classic Speed:

  • A man (Hart) allegedly stole a Pepsi semi-truck from a Tulsa, Oklahoma parking lot at 8:30 a.m. on Tuesday.
  • The Pepsi semi-truck was full of Pepsi.
  • It was also full of its rightful driver, who was in the process of unloading the truck at the time.
  • “The back of the truck was still open, and the lift was down,” according to Officer Jeanne Pierce.
  • The rightful driver jumped out of the truck when it started to move.
  • Said driver called the police to report the theft.
  • As another officer put it to NewsOn6, “He was just slinging soda pop through every intersection he blazed through.”
  • They chased him for half an hour.
  • At least one officer said authorities were simply “following the trail of soda.”
  • The truck headed for the interstate, bottles of Pepsi sailing in his wake.
  • He exited the interstate and got stuck in traffic.
  • Officers attempted to arrest him by climbing into the cab of the truck.
  • Hart allegedly exited the cab on the other side, without turning off or parking the truck.
  • It rear-ended a school bus.

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  • (The kids are fine.)
  • Hart was arrested and taken to the county jail, to be booked on “suspicion of larceny of an automobile, eluding, and a failure to stop traffic violation.” (The Wichita Eagle)
  • Apparently, jail wasn’t for him.
  • “Hart allegedly tried to escape from the jail intake area through the sally port, two sets of locked doors between the booking and pre-booking areas of the jail.” (Tulsa World)
  • When that didn’t work, per the booking report, he tried to seal himself in the sally port.
  • (Why? How could that help?)
  • He was then brought to a cell at taser-point.
  • He is being held in lieu of a $26,000 bond.
  • Apparently, he just wanted to get to the airport.

Cast Stephen Root and call it a day. We’ll make so much money.