Last Call: Is Pepperidge Farm hiding cookies from me?

Illustration for article titled Last Call: Is Pepperidge Farm hiding cookies from me?
Photo: Richard Levine (Getty Images)

Sometime back in October, my husband and I began a nightly ritual of watching the news in bed with cookies—namely, Pepperidge Farm cookies, because they come in soft bags that are easy to hide in our pillowcases in case one of the kids wanders in after being awoken by our screaming. We didn’t intend for it to become a routine; it was just supposed to be a naughty little secret that would give us some comfort on days when the news was too much to handle. What we didn’t realize at the time is that October was going to be 14 years long, and now neither of us can get relaxed enough to fall asleep without cookies in bed.

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Of all the Pepperidge Farm cookies, I’ve always found the ultra-crispy Brussels to be the best of the lot. (Milanos are just Brussels for basic people, and I invite you to fight me on this.) But when night cookies become an indispensable part of your existence, you’ve got to change it up to keep things exciting. Matt started keeping a few grocery totes filled with an assortment of cookies underneath our bed, and we’d fish around in the totes with our eyes closed, grab-bag-style, to add an element of whimsy and surprise. One thing I didn’t expect to be surprised by was a new variety I’d never seen before, because surely if Pepperidge Farm had an exciting new release, I would have heard about it. But there I was one night, delighted to discover the existence of Cherry Veronas.

My delight quickly turned to rage when I learned, via the Pepperidge Farm website, that the Veronas were not new, but simply a cookie that has eluded me until now. Just look at all these cookies, many of which I’ve never seen in my life! Zurich? Naples? Dublin? What are these cookies, even, and why have they been kept from me?! Are Pepperidge Farm cookies regional? Do some grocers willingly deprive us? What other cookies are they hiding? Is there a conspiracy afoot?

Tell me: what are you favorite Pepperidge Farm cookies? Tell me what I’m missing, because once this pandemic ends, I will hop in my car and drive all across these 50 states for answers if need be. I don’t know where these Dublin cookies are, but I coming for them. HARD.

Allison Robicelli is a JBFA-nominated food & humor writer, former professional chef, author of four (quite good) books, and The People's Hot Pocket Princess. Need cooking advice? Tweet me @Robicellis.

DISCUSSION

dudebra
dudebra

Brussels? Meh...

Mint Milanos are the Pepperidge Farm touchstone. I don’t want to fight about it.