Paul Hollywood bread flops in stores and Helena's black magic is probably responsible

Photo: MelMedia (Getty )

***Spoiler Alert for Week 5 of The Great British Baking Show***

After the massively controversial, completely indefensible, and utterly batcrap crazy elimination of Michelle and Helena on last week’s episode of The Great British Baking Show, it is doubtful that any sane human being could ever trust Paul Hollywood’s judgement again. Millions of viewers around the world have been left feeling shocked and betrayed, and, when it comes to Mr. Hollywood himself, not amused. Therefore, it is with a small measure of blissful schadenfreude that I inform you all that Paul Hollywood’s line of bread is being discontinued at Britain’s largest supermarket chain.

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As even the most casual GBBS viewer can tell you, Paul Hollywood is well known as a master baker when it comes to bread. It’s “his thing,” a point which is hammered home during each season’s Bread Week. Paul Hollywood’s breads are always perfect, and they do not fail... until now.

For those of us who have been seeking #JusticeForHelena, perhaps this is it. Prue and Paul have crossed our Queen of the Undead, and she has called upon her army of demons to destroy any future that Paul’s sandwich loaves may have had. In a statement to the Sun Hollywood’s spokesperson said that his flatbread line continues to do well, and British shoppers can expect to see new products featuring his baby blue eyes sometime in the near future. There has been no word from Helena as to whether or not her dark army intends to cast those products into the fiery pits of hell, too, but it might benefit Mr. Hollywood to issue a public apology for his transgression. Though it is unforgivable, it would still be nice to hear.

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About the author

Allison Robicelli

Allison Robicelli is The Takeout staff writer, a former professional chef, host of The Robicelli Argument Clinic Podcast, the author of three books, and a swan meat influencer.