Under-the-radar Palmer chocolates break up Halloween monotony

Illustration for article titled Under-the-radar Palmer chocolates break up Halloween monotony
Photo: Marnie Shure
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Halloween is a time of glorious gorging, but just because you can eat 55 Almond Joys in a row doesn’t mean you can’t inject a little variety into your onslaught. To be sure the major name brands are indeed the ones you love most, why not try the lesser knowns and see how they compare?

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This Halloween, try R.M. Palmer.

They’ve got witches. They’ve got monsters. They’ve got foil-wrapped chocolate eyeballs dubbed “Creepy Peepers.” These chocolates are undeniably different from your Hersheys or your Snickers—with a pretty prominent seam running around the circumference of the chocolate balls—but it’s a little mellower, not too rich, and at the very least proves that mass-produced chocolate has some range. (Besides, none of you ever seem to complain about the cardboard flavor of your Advent calendar chocolates.) And as previously mentioned, Palmer chocolate is bright and colorful, so instead of settling for an orange-and-yellow Reese’s wrapper, you can eat a peanut butter cup pumpkin whose chocolate is the actual orange and yellow of a jack-o’-lantern.

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If this all sounds defensive, that’s because you have to fight for your right to enjoy R.M. Palmer. Its availability jumps around from store to store each season, landing this Halloween in Family Dollar locations nationwide, Meijer in the Midwest, and Sherm’s in Oregon. Luckily, you can also head to Amazon for a two-pound bag of chocolate Trick Or Treat Mix, which comes with four varieties: double-crisp witches, fudge-filled skeletons, Cookies & Creme zombies, and peanut butter cup pumpkins.

Our ranking:

4. Double-Crisp

3. Cookies & Creme

2. Fudge-Filled

1. Peanut Butter Cup

See which one you think is the best. Or, if you miss out, just wait until the same varieties are pressed into heart shapes for Valentine’s Day.

Marnie Shure is editor in chief of The Takeout.

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DISCUSSION

itzbezzy
flying wombat

i will stand with marnie in her candy rankings for once and stan palmer now and forever. sure, it’s ‘chocolate-flavored’ and sure it’s not the best quality, but i have loved what they make since childhood and now comfortably in my mid-to-late 30's, i still do. pumpkin chocolate cups and crunchy eyeballs at halloween? chocolate coins? chocolate bells and crispy santas at christmas? yes please. if i’m ever in the dollar store i snag a bag of whatever they’ve got on offer, whether it’s easter bunnies or anything else, because it tastes like childhood memory of the fondest caliber and hell, maybe i have no taste buds but damn i love it for its taste of comfort. my usual go-to candy is dark chocolate and i generally think hershey’s is trash, so, explain to me why i like this stuff and i’ll get back to my therapist about it.