Olive Garden offers to feed you pasta for the rest of your natural life

Illustration for article titled Olive Garden offers to feed you pasta for the rest of your natural life
Photo: Olive Garden

Last year, Olive Garden gave customers the chance to declare their unyielding love of pasta and breadsticks with the Annual Pasta Pass, a $300 permission slip to house as many carbs as possible over the next year. The Pasta Passes are back again, but the chain isn’t just after 365 days of pledged loyalty to Italian cooking any longer. Starting later this week, Olive Garden wants the rest of your goddamn life.

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The Lifetime Pasta Pass will be available online beginning at 2 p.m. ET this Thursday, August 15, for the first 50 people who can spare $500 in exchange for infinite pasta, breadsticks, salads, soups, and sauces until the day they shuffle off this mortal coil. An online waiting room will open five minutes prior. As suggested by the company’s announcement, those invited to opt into the Lifetime Pasta Pass will break even after an estimated 45 dishes. The Pass will only be available online, and regrettably not in the form of golden tickets hidden beneath platters of fettuccine alfredo.

If you can’t (or for some incomprehensible reason, don’t wish to) get your hands on a Lifetime Pasta Pass, 24,000 consolation prizes in the form of the $100 Never Ending Pasta Pass will also be available, good from September 23 through November 24. But for 50 people later this week, never-ending pasta won’t expire at Thanksgiving. It’ll expire when they say it’s time, at a ripe old age, after a long and fulfilling life of good times, romances fleeting and lasting alike, memories made and shared, and innumerable bowls of chicken carbonara.

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DISCUSSION

“romances fleeting and lasting alike”

Funny you should mention that, because the last time a girlfriend of mine and I wound up at Olive Garden, her exact words were “is this what our relationship has come to?”