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White Claw releases new flavors just in time for lamest summer ever

Illustration for article titled White Claw releases new flavors just in time for lamest summer ever
Photo: White Claw

History buffs may recall that approximately 80 years ago, back in 2019, was the Summer of White Claw. The oh-so-millennial, gluten-free spiked seltzer is gearing up for summer 2020, pandemic be damned, by introducing White Claw 70. White Claw 70 has 70 calories, 0g sugar, 0g carbs, and just 3.7% alcohol by volume (ABV). The 70 series also has two flavors unique to it: Pineapple and Clementine. Somehow, “ain’t no laws when you’re drinking lite claws” doesn’t have quite the same ring to it.

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Though the calorie number is in the drink name, White Claw is pushing this line for its low ABV, which is a feature, not a bug. (For reference, the standard White Claw is 5% ABV.) The hard seltzer purveyor says the drink is intended for the “sober curious” consumer, which is to say, people who want to drink without getting wasted. Interesting idea. Demand for low-booze drinks is expected to grow nearly a third by 2022, says White Claw in a press release, though I wonder if the company considered the current global pandemic when crunching those numbers. Given the summertime day-drinking vibe associated with White Claw, it’s wise for the brand to release a can that one can drink all day long.

Lots of alcohol companies have low-ABV brews these days, most of which fall between 4% and 4.5% ABV. Stiegl Grapefruit Radler comes in at the low, low ABV of just 2%, so it’s probably fine to feed your toddlers. Interestingly, low-ABV and lite beers are pretty much the same thing. But whereas 10 years ago each brew boasted of its low calorie count, now it’s the takes-longer-to-get-you-drunk aspect that brands are flaunting. But don’t worry! The shift away from calorie counts isn’t a reflection of our culture’s increased body positivity or anything. It’s just a way to sell more booze.

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DISCUSSION

brontosaurian
brontosaurian

I have the best idea for the most scoff worthy White Claw flavor that would sell out in moments. Everyone will hate themselves for wanting it.

White Claw - Ecto Cooler