There are not enough sanitizing wipes in all the Costcos in all the world to combat Jell-O’s new product, Jell-O Play. USA Today reports the company is launching the line of molds and cookie cutters aimed to make kids play with their food even more than those filthy rugrats already do.
Parents, brace yourselves. Because Jell-O is not already an inherently sticky enough product, the company wants to encourage kids to make Lego-esque Jello-O logs to create “a jiggly Jell-O fortess.” Or, as parents and babysitters refer to it, their worst tabletop nightmare.
The products are targeting kids ages 4-12, according to USA Today. I don’t have kids myself, but I seem to remember from my babysitting days that this specific demographic requires little cajoling in order to create a banana airplane, smooshed grape swimming pool, or yogurt ski mountain. (I’m still plucking fuzz-crusted food off a sweater I wore while babysitting three months ago.) These food sculptures are second only to the joy of flinging food off the table with abandon, rendering dining-room carpet a juice-covered Rorschach test.
And what about germs or bacteria? Jell-O Play packages “include instructions on how to properly wash hands and the molds.” Oh, and it suggests kids eat their Jell-O toy creations within the hour.