As a professional writer I try not to use emojis as a means of communication because I know that, if I do, I’ll quickly devolve into a barely literate misanthrope. On an average day I will write thousands of words while simultaneously trying to keep my two sons away from each others throats and preventing them (and my husband) from doing anything “fun” that will end in a trip to the emergency room. By the time my day wraps I am tired, cranky, and borderline incoherent, and it would be entirely too easy to text my friends pictures of knives and tacos instead of thoughtfully crafted words. The very act of conversing with another human being can be so exhausting sometimes, and if I start taking the easy way out, who knows what could happen to my ever-so-delicate brain?
Even though I choose to primarily communicate with words like an old stick-in-the-mud, I do like throwing an emoji or two into my texts to show people I’m still “hip with the kids,” but I only use the less popular ones because I feel bad for them. Most people don’t have a reason to regularly bring up giant squids or postal horns into their conversations, so I’ll drop one in here and there with zero explanation, letting the person on the other end to interpret it as they may. And, judging from the finalists for the next class of emojis, it looks like I’m going to have another misfit emoji to add to my vocabulary: beans. Think of all the things a bean emoji could represent! It could mean that I’m gassy or, if I pair it with an eggplant, could refer to a dude that’s got three balls. The possibilities are endless!
On World Emoji Day (for those of you who aren’t observant, it was July 17), the 15 most anticipated emojis were announced were announced at—I swear to god this is a real thing—the World Emoji Awards, and beans came in 14th! Of the 15,000 ballots cast, about 2% were for beans, which is roughly around 300 people. Emoji beans are not yet a done deal; Emojipedia writes that the next emoji update will occur either later this year, or in early 2022, and anything can happen between now and then. Let’s all cross our fingers that beans doesn’t have some scandalous old tweets that might sink its chances.