USA Today reports, “Burger King says its new sandwich is ‘clinically proven to induce nightmares.’” As this helpful YouTube video explains, BK worked with Paramount Trials and Florida Sleep & Neuro Diagnostic Services to sleep-test 100 people over the course of 10 nights. Scientists working on the study report that eating the burger before bed made it 3.5 times likely that you’d have a bad dream that night, according to tumultuous brainwave graphs.

Sure, no one has to tell me about the Halloween funtimes available this time of year, but there’s a difference from being able to pause the 1978 version of Halloween if it gets too scary and not being able to wake up from that dream where you still have to take a final in p.e. but you wind up at school in your underwear. Or worse. Way worse. So, as with so many things, I ponder: Sure you can bring on freaky dreams by eating certain foods (like our own Kate Bernot accidentaly did in France with fancy cheese), but why on earth would you want to?