I hate to be the one to break this to you, but Mountain Dew Doritos are a thing. I’ll give you a moment to process.
The two PepsiCo products (Doritos is a Frito-Lay chip, which is owned by Pepsi) have come together for a limited-edition chip that, yes, is green. Both brands are heavily (if not stereotypically) associated with gamer culture, which is likely why they were paired in the first place. They’re only available in Australia, though, so don’t get too excited unless you’re Down Under.
The million-Australian-dollar question: What do Mountain Dew Doritos taste like? Since we’re meager Americans currently experiencing the sharp decline of our superpower status, we didn’t get to taste these cursed creations. The packaging describes the chips—which, I repeat, are green—as having a “refreshing zesty zing” and the “lemon-citrus flavor of Mountain Dew,” paired with the iconic Doritos crunch.
Let’s unpack that flavor profile for a moment. Mountain Dew, to me, is like the Supreme Court’s definition of hardcore pornography: I can’t describe it, but I know it when I see it. I really could not possibly describe the flavor profile of Mountain Dew, other than that it tastes exactly like Mountain Dew. The brand describes the flavor as lemon-citrus, which certainly doesn’t account for the sugar overload. Nor could I give you an apt name for its hue—a marketing officer for the soda insists on only calling it “Mountain Dew color,” but I’d call it a muted neon green. According to one YouTube taste-tester, the chip tastes like citrus at first crunch, and then exactly like Mountain Dew. (I suspect this review is sponsored, considering the 10/10 review, but I guess there are people out there who actually enjoy Mountain Dew.)
If you’re experiencing déjà vu, don’t worry, it’s for good reason. Doritos and Mountain Dew have joined forces before in another medium: Doritos soda. Back in 2014, PepsiCo tested a Doritos-flavored Mountain Dew on some college campuses. It was dubbed “Dewitos.” I cannot say with certainty that this is the reason our country is where it is today, but it’s not not the reason.