Man leaves cat food baking in oven, makes for pretty good headline

very cute cat looking at a pyramid of wet cat food cans
Photo: Waitforlight (Getty Images)

File under: Criminals breaking into places and causing unusual types of mayhem.

One of my favorite types of very specific crime categories are the ones where people break into other people’s property, do something really weird, and then get caught, which is exactly what happened in this case reported November 5. A man in Richmond Heights, Ohio, apparently busted into his girlfriend’s apartment after an argument, Cleveland.com reports, and submerged her clothes and shoes in the bathtub and then left the water running. Then, for some inexplicable reason, he allegedly put some cat food in the oven, turned it on, and left the apartment. This is basically my highly specific definition of a good time.

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In a twist, it turns out neither the woman nor her boyfriend actually lease the apartment, and both were were subsequently banned by the apartment management company. In a less amusing twist, at least for the management company, the water from the overflowing bathtub collapsed the ceiling in the apartment directly below.

In my time on this planet, I have tried a bunch of different cat food. I’ve even baked corn-based kitty litter into a surprisingly palatable jalapeño cornbread. But so far, I have not gone as far as to bake cat food in the oven, as I consider it already cooked. Was it wet food or dry food? I need to know. Perhaps this man knows a culinary secret that I do not. I’m guessing this was a hell of an argument, but I hope that the cat came out unscathed, as there was no mention of an interview with the cat as a witness. Assuming there actually was a cat.

Staff writer at The Takeout. Also: Saveur Humor Blog Award Winner, professional pizza maker, and insufferable troublemaker.

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DISCUSSION

northbx
burner'down

You know, if you really hate someone, sticking a few cans of the fish-flavored Fancy Feast in the oven is a diabolical-yet-ultimately-harmless way to get out that aggression. The object of your scorn will likely have to wash every piece of washable fabric in their home to get the stench out.