Photo: McDonald’s/William Andrew (Photographer’s Choice/Getty Images)

Having never committed an actual crime, I am often at a loss as to what compels people to do something that could wind them up in prison for life, cost them tons of money in legal fees, etc. Could be the lapsed Catholic in me, as I’m sure I’d get caught. But maybe not, if this guy is still at large:

Screenshot: New York Post

As this (grainy) security footage posted on The New York Post demonstrates, a man dressed similar to an actual cartoon burglar (He already has the stripes! Where is his eye mask?) decided to steal a flat-screen TV from the delightfully named Red Zeppelin Pizza parlor in Baton Rouge, Louisiana. Once he pulls the TV down, however, he realizes that it’s super-heavy and almost drops it several times, at one point just falling over completely. This guy knows how to commit to a bit, though, as he eventually gets away.

So many questions: Why that TV? Was he drunk? (Although, that seems like a given.) And while we’re on the subject: Why is the actual cartoon Hamburglar wearing a tie? Formal crime wear?

Baton Rouge police force, we have faith that you can catch this culprit and bring justice to Red Zeppelin. Just look for the guy with the striped wardrobe likely hanging out on his front lawn with that TV and bags of money with dollar signs painted on them.

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