Some advice: Do not cook chickens in national park hot springs

Illustration for article titled Some advice: Do not cook chickens in national park hot springs
Photo: NurPhoto (Getty Images)

Some rules exist solely because of the actions of one renegade. Rules like “No leather pants in the Jacuzzi” or “Do not stick tongue into bulk macadamia nut dispenser.” And now “Please, for the love of God, do not boil whole chickens in Yellowstone National Park hot springs.”

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Today’s renegade in question: An Idaho Falls man who, along with two others, was cited after a ranger found the group boiling two chickens in a thermal area of Yellowstone National Park back in August. East Idaho News reported last week that the ranger discovered the culprits guarding “two whole chickens in a burlap sack sitting in a hot spring with a cooking pot nearby.” The ranger found the group after receiving reports of hikers moving toward Yellowstone’s Shoshone Geyser Basin with cooking pots.

The perpetrators were initially cited for foot travel in a thermal area, which is prohibited in Yellowstone because it’s extremely dangerous. The Idaho Falls man pleaded guilty to the citation, as well as to a charge for violating park closures and use limits. At a court hearing in September, he was ordered to pay a $600 fine for each charge and will serve two years of unsupervised probation, during which time he’s banned from Yellowstone National Park.

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According to East Idaho News, this isn’t the first time Yellowstone visitors have engaged in this particular brand of fowl play. In 2001, a Seattle television host and producer dug a hole in the park to attempt what the Montana Standard called “chicken a la geyser.” Regardless of how you slice it, sticking stuff in hot springs is a bad idea. According to Yellowstone’s website, the hot springs have injured or killed more Yellowstone visitors than any other natural feature in the park. Please, for the sake of you and yours: Next time you’re craving an evenly-brined bird, just pick up a pre-cooked rotisserie.

Staff writer @ The Takeout. Pork shoulder princess @ Chicago.

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DISCUSSION

The meat falls right off the bone. Specifically your bones, when you fall into a hot spring.