Illustration for article titled Man breaks into waterpark, steals funnel cake, melts ice cream, ruins summer
Photo: Eric Broder Van Dyke (iStock Photo)

A Waterloo, Iowa man met his own, ah, Waterloo when he stole “an undisclosed amount of funnel cakes” from a waterpark while hiding his face with a bandana—a bandana he’s also wearing in “a personal Facebook photo.”

Per the Waterloo-Cedar Falls Courier, authorities are alleging that, in the early hours of July 6, 2018, Dylan Anthony Hoffert and three other people entered the Lost Island Waterpark. While there, they took the aforementioned undisclosed number of funnel cakes. They also left the freezer door open—who raised you, unnamed Waterloo residents?—a move that ruined “$300 worth of funnel cakes and ice cream” and presumably led to some crying children.


He’s also since been charged, along with Reese Jacob VanDaele, for entering a home (with an unnamed 12-year-old boy) in January and absconding with a safe “containing $5,000 in collectible coins and bills and $1,500 worth of cash bonds.” They were officially charged with third-degree burglary, second-degree theft, and misdemeanor contributing to the delinquency of a minor. Perhaps they thought there were Dippin’ Dots in there.

Contributor, The A.V. Club and The Takeout. Allison loves television, bourbon, and dramatically overanalyzing social interactions.

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